he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I deserve this hangover.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
