Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
