Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize