So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
