Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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