i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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