1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
