ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
