): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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