Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just cropdusted the office
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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