Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
