booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
