just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
