rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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