I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
