Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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