Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
