a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
