I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
