If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
