"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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