he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
