My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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