i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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