If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
