pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
