At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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