You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
