Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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