where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
