I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
