Little spoons don't ask big questions
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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