she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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