Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
