Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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