Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
