Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
