she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
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You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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