Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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