Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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