a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
