Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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