Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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