So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
