I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
