My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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