My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
