dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm having to shit out rocks
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
