What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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