Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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