I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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