The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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