I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
