Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
