Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
