I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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