just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
