So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
