ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
