She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
