R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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