17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sorry about my life...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
