What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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