I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
