Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
