It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
