my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't think brook has ever known best
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
