Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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