All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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