so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
