I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
