Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
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