If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
