So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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