She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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