Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
